Coucou. Coucou. Coucou.
Ça tremble dans la tête. Pis bon, avec l'envie de faire trembler les autres têtes, finalement. J'vais pas parler du fait d'écrire pour soi ou pour les autres, peu importe le média. J'l'ai déjà fait, d'autres le font, le sujet est épuisé, et reste à discuter. J'vais pas non plus parler d'amour, c'est chiant, lourd et pesant. Désolé pour les amoureux transi qui veulent s'enfoncer encore plus dans leur désespoir. J'le dis pas en mal, je fus ainsi un moment. Mais là, j'le suis pas, et j'ai pas envie d'y retourner. Et j'vais finalement pas parler de ma vie de tous les jours, puisque y a rien à en faire. Alors de quoi causer ? J'vais voir. Mais ça tremble.
Coucou. Coucou. Coucou.
C'est ainsi, ça bouge comme un tic tac. C'est une mélodie qui passe dans les nerfs. Alors j'vais parler d'un truc qui n'a rien à voir. Juste un petit rapport à moi. Minime. LA BRETAGNE ! Depuis que je suis dans le Sud, y a des trucs bizarres qui se passent. Le pain au chocolat est appelé chocolatine, les sacs en plastique des poches, et quand je dis que je viens de Bretagne, on me dit le Nord. Mais le Nord, c'est pas la Bretagne. Regardons une carte de France. J'ai la flemme de ramener une image de la carte française ici, alors débrouillez-vous. La Bretagne, c'est l'Ouest. Y a pas plus à l'ouest en France que la Bretagne. Certaines mauvaises langues diront que c'est le Nord Ouest. Mais c'est où l'Ouest, alors ? Je suis en Charente, et ils disent que c'et le Sud. Si à la limite, ils se disaient de l'Ouest, j'aurais compris qu'ils appellent la Bretagne le Nord, mais là... ?
Coucou. Coucou. Coucou.
Alors bon, la Bretagne est donc à l'Ouest. C'est entendu. Mais on m'a dit pire... "T'es normand ?" Les normands sont ancrés dans la tradition bretonne comme des parjures, des envahisseurs, des voleurs. Même pas des rivaux. Il y a rivalité, remarquez. Mais c'est une confrontation. Alors dire à un Breton qui est conditionné par ce qu'on raconte qu'il est normand, c'est risquer sa vie. Bon, après on m'a aussi demandé si la Bretagne, c'était la région au dessus de la Normandie. Je passe sur cette question qui demande un coup d'oeil sur la carte que vous avez sans aucun doute rangée depuis tout à l'heure.
Coucou. Coucou. Coucou.
Et puis bon, pour les plus curieux, ils font : "Wah ! La Bretagne ! C'est beau !" Oui, c'est vrai, la Bretagne c'est beau. Mais c'est surtout grand. Et la beauté, je suis navré de casser un mythe des plus merveilleux, la beauté ne transpire pas de chaque centimètre carré de notre magnifique Mère Patrie. Hé non. Y a des coins moches. Pas beaucoup. Mais même, généraliser la Bretagne, c'est bien, mais c'est mal. C'est réduire. Alors bon. Alors bon. Moi j'suis de l'ouest pur. Pour expliquer au gens, je fais du peu à peu. "Quimper, tu vois ? Oui ? Et Douarnenez ? Oui ! Et Audierne ? Non. Bon, bah c'est à vingt minutes de Douarnenez." Ou alors j'dis direct Pointe du Raz. Généralement, les vieux voient où c'est. Les jeunes, j'arrête à Brest, 150 kilomètres d'Audierne, au nord.
Coucou. Coucou. Coucou.
J'vais passer sur la récurrente et néanmoins pas drôle blague de la pluie. On a appris à en rire aussi, mais entre nous. On fait du second degré, du troisième, voire plus. Mais avec les gens d'Angoulême, c'est du pur béton premier degré. Alors bon, c'est drôle parce que le gars il y croit dur comme fer. Mais quand il plaisant dessus, c'est bidon. Mais bref. Passons. Y a l'avantage de la crêpe. Mais y a la polémique de la crêpe blé noir et de la galette. J'ai le profond sentiment que la galette, c'est la blé noir de l'Ile et Vilaine, mais je préfère pas être sûr. Ce que je sais, c'est que partout où j'ai été en Bretagne, excepté en Ile et Vilaine, je demandais des blé noirs, et les galettes sur le menu, c'était des blinnis.
Coucou. Coucou. Coucou.
Heureusement, pas mal de gens voient de bonne augure un Breton. Car c'est la fête, avec les Bretons. Oui oui madame. Le Breton est un alcoolique pur et dur, en chair et en os, cent pour cent sans sang, seulement de l'alcool. Bon, c'est vrai, j'avoue, les fêtes en Bretagne ont toujours été plus marrantes que celles que j'ai eues jusqu'à présent. Mais je donne encore sa chance à la Charente. Je vais être magnanime. Même si y a pas la beauté des côtes Bretonnes, avec ses ports pittoresque et son architecture typique. Rendons à César ce qui est à César, la Bretagne est une terre à part.
Coucou. Coucou. Coucou.
Le zéf' me manque, pour voir les cuches en distribil, même s'il fait frisket. Mais çui-ci se débrouillera sans toi, donc ! Pis partir en riboule avec Fanch sur la route à trois grammes, jusqu'à la pompe, c'était cool. Tu voyais des animaux tout moutik. Et puis après, y avait le contrôle biniou. Gast ! J'pars à dreuz'h, faudrait que j'arrête de baragouiner pour aller au gousket. Diwall, j'suis torr-penn en ce moment. Au Gwenn ha du et à la blanche hermine, yec'h mad !
Kenavo. Kenavo. Kenavo.
Mondes-Perdus.Malade-Palpitant
Putain de bulle à toi aussi...
Mardi 8 novembre 2011 à 1:20
Divulgé par Aimepe
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Par Mardi 12 novembre 2024 à 9:46
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