Mondes-Perdus.Malade-Palpitant

Putain de bulle à toi aussi...

Titre n°117 : Ce fut rapide et allègre.

Lundi 26 septembre 2011 à 0:42

Moi, un rien m'effraie. La nuit, les serpents, le noir, les araignées, l'orage, les abeilles, le réchauffement climatique, les étrangers... Tout ! Un jour, tellement angoissé par l'arrivée intempestive d'un canard dans ma baignoire que je resta bien dix minutes calfeutré dans l'eau à ne plus savoir que faire. Oui, je sais, vous avez une solution à tout, une réponse pour chaque chose et paf, le canard, il vous fait pas peur. Mais là, il était quand même jaune, le canard ! Ça ajoute au côté terrifiant, tout de même !

Bon, et là je suis dehors, il fait froid, il fait nuit, je suis dans un lac, habillé, entouré de cygnes et d'oies. Mais bon sang, pourquoi je suis là ? Je sais plus. Mais j'ai peur. En plus je viens de me souvenir que je ne sais pas nager. Ben merde alors. Je suis en train de crever. De toute façon, même si je savais nager, j'aurais pas pu. À l'instant, je vois que mes pieds sont attachés par une corde. Et qui elle-même est reliée à une enclume. Je sais que c'est une enclume parce que j'ai eu une phobie des enclumes un moment. Et là elle est de beau calibre. Pas moins de 400 kilos. Le genre d'outil qui m'aurait donné une crise cardiaque, si je n'avais pas soigné ma paranoïa des enclumes.

Franchement, si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider, ce serait génial. Évidemment, à tous les coups, y a que des sadiques dans l'assemblée. Ah, j'commence à manquer d'air. Génial. Merci tout le monde. En plus c'est mes supers chaussettes toutes neuves que j'ai acheté avant-hier ! Jamais elles pourront être réutilisées, après ça ! C'est comme la dernière fois que ça m'est arrivé. J'avais un slip kangourou neuf de la veille. Ça a pas raté, il était plein de boue.

Hé, comment j'avais fait la dernière fois ? J'sais plus. Mouais. C'était peut-être ce canard...

Merde. Y a que des cygnes et des oies, là.

Mondes Perdus

Divulgé par Aimepe

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