Mondes-Perdus.Malade-Palpitant

Putain de bulle à toi aussi...

Titre n°78 : Non.

Lundi 14 mars 2011 à 18:16

Faux, faux faux fauxfauxfauxfauxgauxfuaxufuauxu. Qu'importe.
Il est là, il se pose, il se questionne. Il lit. Un peu de tout. Tant pis, il se dit. Que tout est à vivre. Que rien n'est à regretter. Que pourtant il n'est pas bien.
Il veut mourir, il veut crever, se suicider, mais en fait il veut juste vivre plus intensément. Plus que quand il est allongé, à penser. Penser c'est la mort, c'est croire que mourir sera mieux que de ne rien faire. Puis il se dit que oui, ce qu'il veut, c'est vivre. C'est drôle, il se dit aussi, que lorsqu'il veut vivre, il dit qu'il veut mourir. Que dire le contraire rassure.

Il ne sait plus quoi faire.
Alors il pense. Alors il lit. Alors il rêve. Il a appris que le bonheur, espoir ultime de l'homme, est un rêve mais que rien n'est jamais arrivé qui ne fût d'avance rêvé. Alors il se dit que peut-être. Mais peut-être, ça suffit pas. Il faut provoquer. Il veut provoquer. Mais n'ose pas le faire. Alors il rêve.

Jamais. Ecrire c'est difficile. Parler encore plus. Parce qu'il faut obligatoirement un auditeur pour se libérer. Ecrire, on pense qu'il y aura un lecteur, mais rien n'est sûr. Alors c'est plus facile. Mais c'est dur.

"Vous êtes une grande artiste !
-Parce que j'ai mes talons."

Voui voui. Et pis on dance. Dance. Mais danse ? Danse plus. Dance !

La vie recommence lorsqu'on attend plus rien d'elle. Et il attend. Et il attend. Les murmures se posent dans le vide, invisibles, impalpables. Pourtant il voit et sent. Rien ne change, mais tout se nuance. Il se nuance.

Qui est-il ?
Il est un homme de 18 ans. Bientôt 19 en avril. Il a vécu la mort d'un chat, d'une grand-mère. Il a vécu l'évolution d'une malade d'Alzheimer. Il a aimé en vain pendant un an, puis encore un an, pour la même femme. Il s'est cru omniscient, et même divin. Il a une famille, il étudie dans l'art. Il aime les lettres, pas les mots.

Qui n'est-il pas ?
Il n'est pas une personne contente. Il n'est pas un étudiant typique qui ne se soucie que de ses cours, de ses camarades, d'avoir un métier à bon salaire, une maison avec un jardin et un endroit où passer les vacances chaque été. Il n'est pas dieu. Il n'est pas une personne heureuse, qui peut se complaire de sa vie actuel.

Il regarde la flamme de la bougie, elle illumine son monde. Elle est le seul point de son univers. Il faut le croire. Il le croit. Il tente d'oublier que le chemin est un moyen d'arriver à une destination. 
Chaque pas est toujours une arrivée.

Malade Palpitant

Divulgé par Aimepe

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Par paulinesweet le Mardi 5 avril 2011 à 20:04
Après avoir cliqué 18fois sur "Malade Palpitant", j'ai enfin comprit qu'il sagissait d'un retro lien vers ton blog. Ché ><. Bref, je suis là.
Je te remercie de ton commentaire, ça fait toujours plaisir d'apprendre que certaines personnes, aussi virtuelles soient-elles, puissent ressentir une pensée commune à la vôtre. J'ai déjà sincèrement pensé à en finir il y a quelques temps, et puis je me suis résignée. Je reste simplement dans mon coin, je dégaine mon i-pod et je me fou de la musique à fond pour échapper aux foutaises du monde extérieur. Assez parlé de moi. J'ai lus quelques-uns de tes textes, ils sont vraiment...profonds. Notamment celui-ci qui m'a donné des frissons. Il est magnifique. Bonne continuation..
Désolée pour ce commentaire un temps soit peu pourrave et dépourvut d'interet. Et mal écrit. Je suis le contre exemple d'une bonne L.
Bye !
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